Normal, Regular, Natural, Blind

I meet a lot of "regular" people and talk to them about things like nature, sustainability and climate change. Everyone, like the good Canadians they are, is onside. Of course climate change is a problem; we need to help nature (wait, aren't we a part of the natural world); technology will help us become sustainable. Same shit, different day.

I'm amazed at people that take things for granted. It's natural that our lake is poisoned and that we can't swim there. It's normal to have smog days three or four times a week. Cancer happens to everyone and there's nothing we can do about it; so do diabetes and heart disease and countless other affluent diseases. We can happily look forward to a warmer climate in a few years. It's normal to cover ourselves in sunscreen every day.

Are we crazy? Why aren't we asking real questions about what kinds of lives we're living? Is this really progress? Even more importantly, do we dare ask these questions? What would happen to us if we did?

I'm really getting disappointed in people. Despite everyone's comments of support and concern, they aren't willing to do anything that will jeopardize their ability to drive, use Mr Clean, listen to their Ipods, upgrade that computer, douse their lawns in pesticides, eat meat with every meal and put out ten garbage bags. It's miserable.

The problem is that one person's choices effect everyone many beings', both human and non-human, lives. You smoke, I die. I drive, you get asthma. You put pesticides on your lawn and fish die in the lake. I cut down a tree, and more carbon is released into the atmosphere effecting us all.

Other beings understand this link between all things implicitly. Humans, civilized humans see each human as an island. We each have the right to do, say and think (but really . . .) what we want. This is a bad attitude. Even if we have supposedly good things like the Universal Declarations of Human Rights, we can't look at ourselves in isolation anymore; once again this philosophy is expressed in all those people's statements that nature is out there and we are over here, separate.

Something terrible is coming; a reckoning. Whether we like it or not.

Look Harder, Look Simpler

Sometimes you don't always have to look "forward" for solutions. First it was space mirrors to fight climate change and now this strategy to fight obesity. How does engineering formula seem more reasonable than getting children to walk to school or playing sports or eating vegetables and not drinking pop?

I bet that this miracle cure will be rushed to market and in 10 years (if our unfortunate civilization lasts that long) we'll see an unprecedented rise in autism or diabetes related to this latest cure. And then we'll be clamouring for another cure which scientists will be glad to provide. And then we'll be faced with another side effect and the process will begin again.

But these "innovations" are good for the economy I can already hear. But wait, the economy is killing us and our beautiful home. Perhaps some new thinking might be required. But maybe that's just me.

Flowers for Civilization

I've taken to reading a serious work like Endgame, while simultaneously devouring a work of fiction like Flowers for Algernon. It lessens the shock of realization and revelation. In fact in this case I would argue that it complements Endgame quite nicely.

Endgame is about the problem of civilization, a recent theme of these digital pages, demonstrating its effect on me. Its compelling argument is that industrial civilization is a landslide that (certain?) humans have started. It is on a collision course with the valley below, or more clearly the entire planet. This landslide annihilates species, rips into the earth, pollutes the air and the cooks the planet and (certain?) humans assume that these actions are natural and normal. No species would ever destroy their landbase or the physical source of their being. We (all of us?) are something different. Superspecies doesn't quite cover it.

An interesting question, that I'm still wrestling with, is if this means that civilization must depart this earth (tall order) or if it can be reformed from withing (equally tall order)? Is civilization by its nature violent, abusive and exploitative? Does industrial civilization even fit within the natural rules that govern all life on earth?

Flowers for Algernon seems to me to mirror the story of civilization. It is the story of one man named Charlie's rapid development from a developmentally delayed person to a super genius and then his ultimate fall back to a simple mind. Preceding him is a super intelligent mouse named Algernon. According to Charlie: "He was the first of all the animals to stay smart so long and he said that Algernon is so smart he has to solve a problem with a lock that changes every time he goes in to eat so he has to lern something new to get his food."

Both undergo magical surgery to enable their genius. It seems to me that humanity is following this very same trajectory. We currently see our civilization as the peak of human history. As Charlie basks in the glow of his intelligence, he is told: "Just that you've come a long way kind of fast. You've got a superb mind now, intelligence that can't really be calculated, more knowledge absorbed by now than most people pick up in a long lifetime. But you you're lopsided. You know things. You see things. But you haven't developed understanding, or--I have to use the word--tolerance." Truer words were never spoken.

But as Charlie records and our civilization is starting to realize: "I may not have all the time I thought I had . . ."

Unfortunately the fall that we are now contemplating will be much more painful than anything that came before. And like Charlie, we can see the fall coming but unlike Charlie we are not powerless to act, though it might seem that way. Technology will not be the answer as technology has gotten us into this mess. Simplicity seems to me to be the answer, becoming smaller. This is not a stepping back from greatness as one might see with a cursory view of Charlie's fall, but the realization that we are not living in harmony with the earth. Simplicity does not mean living in caves it just means we have to follow the rules of creation.

Using his super intelligence, Charlie analyzes his situation and surmises that: "Artificially-induced intelligence deteriorates at a rate of time directly proportional to the quantity of the increase." Our rise too has been rapid, two centuries at best, though it started much earlier. Our fall, already sliding down that mountainside with the force of gravity, will surely be as fast if not faster. Olympus was never within our reach.

However unlike Charlie we have choices. Ecocide and humanity have rarely gone hand in hand until recently. Many peoples have obeyed the rules of creation and we could learn from them. They are still here as guides though civilization desperately attempts to embrace them with genocidal arms holding cola bottles and oil pipelines.

If we fail to reform or revolt or act in some way, we will truly become the cancer that afflicts our affluent lives. The malignant cancer that mindlessly swallows up life. Listen to the prophetic words of one of Charlie's dreams: "Upward, moving, like a leaf in an upcurrent of warm air. Speeding, the atoms of my body hurtling away from each other. I grow lighter, less dense, and larger . . . larger . . . exploding outward into the sun. I am an expanding universe swimming upward in a silent sea. Small at first, encompassing with my body, the room, the building, the city, the country, until I know that if I look down I will see my shadow blotting out the earth."

More Cracks

My parents are old-fashioned. They don't want to know about it.

They just close their eyes and imagine their son as they would like to remember him. A little boy playing soccer, running up and down the field chasing after the ball while they watched and cheered.

Now the impenetrable walls of innocence and ignorance are starting to crumble. If you look closely enough you can see the cracks and the shoddy foundation; a rushed and mindless construction. But you have to look very closely and we don't usually take the time to see.

So they don't ever meet him. My lover, my companion, my life. Like a rain forest or an iceberg, he can only be imagined and then quickly forgotten in the bright, soothing glow of the television set. Or the sweetness of a Pepsi.

In denying him, they don't know me, the true me. Do they even want to know their son as he is?

I feel the pain of not being recognized. The pain of constantly being mistaken for a uniformed little boy who wasn't very good at soccer anyway. I'm a man. I can feel sadness wash over me in their silence like the running of salmon against the tide. If they ignore my love, they certainly don't want to see my tears. So, despite myself, I lock the pain and the love away and play my part, the good son.

How can I wake them up? Shake them and rip them out of their comfortable illusion? Make them see the obvious pain caused by their chosen silence?

All I can see is myself in a ball of flame set against concrete. The concrete has cracks too. Everything has cracks.

At least I'm not alone.

Keep It Down

Anyone with half a brain knows that global warming is happening and that humans are the cause. There is so much evidence that there is almost no doubt that the planet is in trouble. Of course there's a 1% chance that thousands of "experts" and "unexperts" (like myself) might be wrong. But really the evidence is overwhelming.

Yet at the latest meeting of the International Panel on Climate Change (IPCC), politicians badgered scientists to alter the powerful language in their latest report. The report outlines the level of destruction and extinction that will be caused by human induced climate change. According to the report up to 30 per cent of the Earth's species face an increased risk of vanishing if global temperatures rise 2 C above the average in the 1980s and '90s. In Africa by 2020, up to 250 million people are likely to be exposed to water shortages. In some countries, food production could fall by half. And this is just the start.

Sounds like this beautiful planet is in big, big trouble. And for the first time humans are realizing that we are just one renter among many on this planet. Furthermore, it's not like these are "fringe" scientists either; they are the "leaders" in their fields. They have been studying these changes for decades. Thanks to the meddling of government lackeys, many of these scientists have pledged to discontinue their participation in the IPCC.

So why make trouble for these scientists if the facts are there? What could these states be thinking? Who are they protecting?

The truth is that our whole civilization is based on taking, destroying, pillaging. There is nothing but death in our approach to the planet. Everytime we start our cars in the morning, eat avocados in Canada, buy that new motherboard, go to Mexico on vaction, take a warm bath, brush our teeth, we are expressing our death wish for the planet. We think we are entitled to all these luxuries and close our eyes to the destruction that they are causing. I'm as guilty as the next person and so are you.

No amount of sustainable development or technological innovation will trump the reality that our industrial species is killing the planet. This is probably the most dismal realization that I have ever had and I feel pretty helpless.

People aren't able to hear this truth yet. I'm not sure if they ever will be and that we will have to be the last species to disappear from the earth in our ignorance. In our cancer wards, in our international terminals, in our open heart surgeries, we are all blinded by supposed luxury.

I'm of course offering no hope but there are things that could be done.

• We need a massive population reduction, beyond anything we can comprehend. We are well beyond the earth's carrying capacity for our species; just because we can feed everyone and house everyone doesn't mean that it's sustainable. I read once that the ideal human population for this planet is 1 million. Think about it.
  
• Industries would have to shut down completely since they are poisoning the air and the water and killing species not to mention contributing to climate change. I imagine that some would remain but be very small scale and focused on producing parts locally for bicycles and constructing true necessities.
• Humans would have to accept that they will only know a small area for most of their lives. A positive is that we would actually learn the rhythms of our places and come to appreciate them for what they are, our homes. To achieve this reality cars, trains, airplanes, segways and other destructive modes of transportation would have to be abandoned immediately.
  
• Food cultivation would have to be localized. Crops would have to be appropriate to one's local climate and seeds saved and treasured. Vegetarianism might not be possible in Canada and other northern climates.
  
• If it's dark outside humans would have to just go to sleep. I had a friend who lived in central Africa in a remote village and he said that if it was dark you just slept and you rose with the sun. A natural rhythm to life.
  
• We would have to close all coal and nuclear power plants. They both produce poison as their end product. Electricity is not worth that price. Though I don't know much about hydro power, dams and other blockages would have to be broken to allow the earth's rivers and streams to choose their own paths. Though I will miss my computer, I'll survive unlike on our present course.
  
• The education system would have to change to teach children real skills including farming, shoemaking, tanning, knitting, butchery, hunting and fishing. Perhaps there would be no formal schooling though I still think that art, reading and writing have value.
• We would have to bid farewell to the state. True democracy is local, small and intimate as the Greeks knew and decisions would have to be made locally. The state is violence and control embodied. If your society's form of organization is based on violence how can your behaviour not express that truth.
• This is an incomplete list of course but feel free to add more in the comments or tell me I'm crazy and why.
  

It's going to be hard but we are just another animal on this earth and we've forgotten that. We do not have the right to choose to destroy this planet when other beings' lives are at stake.

Ultimately it comes down to a simple question that states don't want us to consider: Do we want to survive indefinitely without some luxuries or do we want to continue to take and destroy in the short term until we kill ourselves and our perfect home? Both choices will be painful but one infinitely more so.

Routine Machine

I’ve lost track of time. There are two ways you can lose track of time: one you are too busy to notice the passing of time; and the other you have absolutely nothing to do so time becomes meaningless. Either way you’re fucked.

My government put me in here years ago. At least I think it was years ago. I remember some things happening to me but not much else. It’s all kind of grey and bland like a late night television screen. Snow, that’s what they called it.

I remember memorizing the daily cycle of the ventilation system as it clicked on and off. I remember sensing when my food was going to arrive, through the slot in the door. I remember starting to sleep in each of the different beds on a four day schedule. This routine was important. When you’re confined or just living, routine helps ground you. I wonder if humans need routines. Maybe we need to have things neat and tidy and clear so that we don’t have to stress about basics like finding food or shelter. Maybe routine is an essential aspect of civilization.

I always appreciated my life outside of these concrete walls for its routine. Wake up; drink coffee; take the bus to work; punch in and sit at my station for three and a half hours; eat lunch from vending machine; work another three and a half hours; take bus home; order pizza; drink a beer; watch television; fall asleep in lazy boy; repeat. I guess now I’ve got a new routine. I can’t really complain about the routine. When you get used to it, time passes easier.

How long had it been since they walled me up in here? Who were they anyway? Who gave them this power? I hate my government. What gives them the right to lock me up and throw away the key? I didn’t commit a crime. All I did was get sick.

I was twenty-six when I came back from Russia and took a job at a chemical plant. It paid well and I was saving to bring my wife and son over from Russia. I was working there for a while when I started to notice a cough that wouldn’t go away. Then I started losing weight. Ultimately I found myself in hospital after having lost fifty pounds in a month. I collapsed at McDonald’s and I didn’t even get to eat my Big Mac. The doctors quickly realized that I had a rare and potentially deadly strain of tuberculosis. I thought only Africans got these kinds of diseases. Apparently Russians and Americans do too.

I don’t know what I did wrong. They gave me some pills and orders to return to the hospital every few weeks. I obeyed naturally. One day someone caught me out without a mask. I had acquired a taste for vodka in Russia. I needed orange juice for my screwdriver and I forgot my mask when I drove to the corner store. Secretly I hated wearing those masks and having all the people I encountered stare at me. Who wants to stand out? Still forgetting my mask was an innocent mistake.

With a few drinks in my system, I shouldn’t have been driving but it was only a short drive. Who would waste time walking? My drink was more important. One of the doctors saw me there I think. What doctor shops at Mac’s?

So when I next visited the hospital they snatched me and told me I was a danger to public health. How? I was just like everyone else. I just wanted a drink, to drive, to be free. I care about other people; I wouldn’t hurt anyone. So they had a court order to restrict me to a small room in the hospital. A place for criminals designed for high security detention. Four walls, four beds, three square meals and buckets of multicoloured pills all for me!

I knew you could go to jail for being a terrorist or reading the wrong books and websites; that makes sense. But I didn’t think you could go to jail for just catching something. So I’ve been here for years and I still cough all the time. Never a moment’s rest.

I’m scratching this story, my story, on the walls of my cell using my finger nails which are very long now. It helps keep them short; they took away my television, my computer and my nail clipper. I wonder if anyone will read this someday and wonder about me and what I’ve been through.

So the routine continues. The ventilation system keeps clicking, the food appears three times a day like clockwork. I wonder if there are people out there preparing my meals or if a giant machine is keeping me going, passing me pills and food. Its only mission is to keep humans alive even if they are completely and utterly miserable. The routine machine I sometimes call it.

I think they would have been happier if I had died. Less cost, less bother to lock me up and keep me going. I wish I was dead sometimes. Obviously my tuberculosis has different ideas.