Civ 5

It all went so smoothly at first. A little freon in the lock and a light tap it was broken and we were in the apartment. The alarm was unsophisticated. We barely noticed. In the dark, we scanned the walls for our prize. How could you miss those two small canvases, so unique, so special?

Instantly we had them in our bags, safely wrapped in protective plastic, and we were out the door and flying down the steps; the elevators had cameras. With a quick call from a cell phone, a distraction was arranged for the concierge and we slipped out into the Paris night. The Eiffel Tower was alight as usual, fed by coal or nuclear reactors miles away. We used to barely contemplate where our power came from. Like the alarm, we barely noticed.

Don't listen when they tell you that crime doesn't pay. It does. Ask the CIA drug runners propping up the American economy. Ask the traffickers that bring African women to Europe to work in violent brothels. Ask the CEOs who subtly alter a few lines in a ledger and reap a million dollar windfall. Crime pays.

And with the Picassos under my arm, I thought I had joined this exclusive club. Months of planning had netted me $66 million in stolen art. I was rich; well I was already rich but now I was richer. I could do anything now; nothing could stop me from achieving my wildest dreams.

I just had to sit on the art for a while before moving them out of the country. God bless the EU and its porous borders. In the east, I would find a buyer capable of smuggling the art out of the community and on to a private collector in the Middle East. It had all been arranged.

Once home, having paid off my accomplices and sworn them to secrecy, I put down the art in my office and took a quick shower. Even if they were caught, they didn't know me from Adam; I liked it that way. You might have expected me to gaze at the precious art now in my possession. The truth is that I don't care much for Picasso or, for that matter, art. Maybe that's what makes me a good thief. Ultimately I know what my buyers want and provide it impartially. If you can pay that's all that matters to me. I'm a businessman not a critic.

I turned on my television to relax with a coffee as the sun came up. On every station flashed the news: China's booming economy has crashed. And the rest of the world is being pulled down with it. Markets in Sydney, Tokyo, Seoul and beyond were falling like dominoes as the sun came up in the east.

What was happening? Our holy economy pierced like Christ on the cross. Before there had always been a resurrection, a recovery. This time something was different and you could tell in the creaky voices of the "experts".

Economists were accused of ignoring nature in the pursuit of endless profit. Didn't they know that humans are just another animal and wholly dependent on the world. What arrogance! Ignoring climate change was only one manifestation of this destructive attitude.

Politicians were accused of failing to act on the oil peak. The world had been through other oil peaks in the past but this was the final global peak. There were no new fields to save us, no foreign dictators to throw open the oil valves.

The military was criticized for being a bottomless pit for our civilization's wealth. The half a trillion dollars spent on military pursuits annually by one nation alone was reprehensible. Outrageous! Why spend our precious wealth on nuclear weapons which only offer the promise of total annihilation? Surely there were more productive options available.

Hours passed for me in front of that television. All the pundits had taken too long to speak out. Had we acted earlier, we might have stood a chance. If only we had disbanded our militaries and moved away from polluting industries and power toward renewable sources. Most importantly If only we had learned to live simply and happily together in communities. Ipods, microwaved meals and Picasso prints, do not a good life make.

Instead we drove into everyone, every single human being, the right to take, take, take. This was our earth. Our resources. Our trees. Our air. Our climate. Our oil. We could never go back from this. It was a psychopathic attitude with only one possible conclusion: crash and collapse.

So now weeks later, I still sit in my apartment. It's winter. I'm cold. I've burned all my books to keep warm. I have food but I'm not sure for how much longer. Spring is my only salvation. The earth giving back after the dead times.

So what else could I do? I threw the stolen Picassos on the fire; $66 million up in smoke for a moment of warmth. I had tried to trade them for wood. No one was buying. The concept of value had changed almost overnight.

But I still say that crime pays. I must believe that. You know what I mean.

Free Transit Now!

So for a long time I've been dreaming about this one. In my beloved Hamilton, let's make a trip on the Hamilton Street Railway (HSR) completely and utterly free for anyone choosing to ride.

Of course it won't be completely free. We'll have to raise Hamiltonians' property taxes to compensate for the loss of fares, tickets and passes. Ideally the federal government, swimming in surplus, would come to the rescue, but with a Conservative government I wouldn't expect it. Ultimately though it would require all of us to sacrifice a little but get back a lot. Though I haven't done the calculations, I bet it would work out to maybe a couple of hundred dollars a year to cover the HSR's current takings at the fare box. Maybe that's even an ambitious figure.

And think of what we'd be getting:

1) Cleaner air: everyone likes to moan and groan about smog days in the summer and now year round but just think about how many car trips could be saved if you could just jump on the bus. At the very least you'd be willing to give it a shot. And even changing one commute a week has a huge impact on our air. Transit is clean, driving alone is not. Plain and simple.

2) A more egalitarian city: right now if you ride the bus and you have a good job, something is perceived to be wrong with you. Only poor people take the bus, didn't you know? Them and maybe students who can't afford a car or don't have a driver's license yet. The truth is investing in transit benefits everyone regardless of their economic situation. Millions upon millions spent on highways only benefits a certain segment of the population. If we're serious about fighting poverty start with levelling the playing field in transportation.

3) Fighting climate change: cities hold massive populations in relatively small areas. If all those people drive that's a monstrous amount of carbon dioxide being produced. Even if we could get half of them on the bus that would be a huge contribution to the great challenge of our time.

4) Take driving down a notch: right now for all the city's big words, cars are king. Walking down the sidewalk after a storm today it was blindingly clear. The road was completely swept of snow which had been dumped in a suitable place, the sidewalk. The image was literally black (road) and white (sidewalk). We need to start moving people toward a car-free world (or at least car-limited) in light of peak oil.

5) A healthier population: when you drive you barely use your muscles. You drive from door to door without breaking a sweat (well maybe if your heating is on). Then you get fat, unless you can drive to the gym after working overtime and watching the game on TV. Conversely when you take the bus you're walking between stops and making stopovers at shops and the library. That's a lot of walking which is Canadians preferred method of exercise. How much does our lack of exercise cost our healthcare system?

6) Sense of community: you're destined to be an individualist if you never see anyone else besides your family and friends and move from personal bubble to personal bubble. Just think about how many people you say hello to on your way to work; more likely you're giving them the finger for cutting you off. Also more eyes on the street means more of us looking out for one another.

7) Happiness: I attended an amazing workshop on walking (stupid that you have to have a workshop on the most basic of human activities but this demonstrates how far our "civilization" has fallen). A speaker raised the question of happiness through walking. Humans like to people watch and be with one another. We are the ultimate social species. Perhaps our "civilization's" pervading sadness is caused by a lack of human contact.

8) Financial: transit is cheap. You can spend $10,000 and up on a new vehicle or you can spend $780 a year on monthly passes (and it would be less if we all bought in). Is "freedom", whatever that means, worth all that money? Do you really need to be better than everyone else? Even if you hate transit with a passion, perhaps you have children in high school. Instead of shelling out for bus passes every month you could just pay a lot less and provide them and your grandchildren and their children with free transit.

9) Got any more? Add them in the comments below.

The one problem, you're probably thinking, is that transit is woefully underfunded so people wouldn't want to get on board. This is very true but if it's free you won't be risking much. And as more and more people take to the bus they'll like it and start to demand more frequent service. It's their taxes after all.

And one serious assumption I'm making is that Hamiltonians will actually take the bus if it's free. Partly I must say that we won't have much choice. Are you ready to spend 30% or more just to drive everywhere? This is the future. There can be no denying it, much like climate change, the science of peak oil is there.

But also humans do what makes sense. If you have a good bus service you'll use it. Transit is the only real challenger to the single occupant vehicle.

So is this proposal crazy? I can hear a resounding "YES" already. Given climate change and peak oil maybe this is the time for crazy ideas.

Buzz Off

Buzz Hargrove is quite a chameleon. You just never know where he's going to be next. He started off NDP orange, then changed to Liberal red. How long before we see him with Steve Harper in Tory blue? His ability to adapt and play the field would be admirable if it was only backed up with thoughtful union policies; "Strike, strike, strike!", is all you can come up with?

So where is Buzz today? First he opposed strict, mandatory emissions targets for vehicles in Canada, worrying that they would bankrupt the auto industry and decimate his membership. Sounds exactly like the alarmist reactions coming out of the Fraser Institute. Woe to the economy if we consider the planet! Global warming makes strange bedfellows doesn't it Buzz?

Now he's demanding free trade agreements with the Far East to stave off massive layoffs at Chrysler. Free trade agreements? His argument is that they have been locking out the North American industry while we have been inviting them in. There is probably a measure of truth in what he says but a quick check online found Ford Japan and GM Japan in seconds. So what's the problem, you're there?

You see that Buzz, his members' employers and the Fraser Institute are all trapped in a gigantic bubble. This bubble contains massive gas guzzling vehicles, fat immobile Canadians and Americans and ideas about what is normal and desirable. The rest of the world, including the Far East cares little for these wasteful vehicles. Gasoline and roads are expensive for them. You couldn't sell them an SUV if you tried.

So at the core of our layoffs and bursting bubbles is our own fantasy. Buzz, no one wants to buy our vehicles and we, if we only knew, shouldn't want to either. No free trade agreement on earth can save North American companies. Farewell.