Bad News

All around the world (though it hasn't reached Canada yet for the most part), food prices are going up. The UN World Food Program doesn't have enough funding to keep up with the rising prices. As such malnutrition and starvation rates are expected to rise.

From an article in the Guardian: "The impact has been felt around the world. Food riots have broken out in Morocco, Yemen, Mexico, Guinea, Mauritania, Senegal and Uzbekistan. Pakistan has reintroduced rationing for the first time in two decades. Russia has frozen the price of milk, bread, eggs and cooking oil for six months. Thailand is also planning a freeze on food staples. After protests around Indonesia, Jakarta has increased public food subsidies. India has banned the export of rice except the high-quality basmati variety."

Since we are essentially eating oil due to the fact that all industrial farming needs oil, unfortunately there's nothing we can do about this inevitable rise. We have built such a population that it requires oil to maintain itself. Still there's a lot that could be done (though don't hold your breath):

• Divest from ethanol and move toward public transit. If you keep driving people are going to die though you're unlikely to ever see them starve.
  
• Don't waste food. How much food is thrown out by the grocery stores in your neighbourhood every day? It's a lot and most of it is perfectly good.
  
• Start a Food Not Bombs and save some of this food that would otherwise be going to waste.
• Grow your own food, support community gardens, buy local and organic food.
  

Mentat Financial Planning

You see it on commercials. You hear it from the credit union. Your parents remind you about it and offer their two cents.

I’m talking about saving for your retirement of course. This is RRSP season and we should all be thinking about our futures. You may only be 25 years old but you have to get started now. Put away a little bit every month. Every penny counts. Don’t expect the government to be there for you.

What’s your dream (or better, what dream have you bought)? Is it sitting on a beach sipping margaritas at 55? Maybe you want a cottage on the Canadian shield with bottles of California wine? It can all be yours, you’re told, if you just start now.

I’d like to offer some retirement advice of my own because I’m always thinking about the future (and a lot of people are starting to hate me for it). Call it Mentat Financial Planning (I’m still waiting on the trademark).

1) Do you really think there’ll be a retirement?

Planning for a sunny future seems pretty unrealistic if you are paying attention to what’s going on in the world. Peak oil, mass extinctions, rampant cancer rates and most importantly climate change mean that in 40 years or so, when you’re due for that golden handshake, the world will be a lot different.

If you’re lucky enough to make it to 60 you’re likely to be toiling in some field growing food or chopping firewood (hopefully all the trees haven’t been felled by then). This will be in line with how all the other animals and a shrinking number of humans live on this world—‘til the bitter end.

2) Where is your money going?

Even if you can (like most people and politicians) ignore climate change and all the other human-caused crises that circle the earth like buzzards, you can’t ignore that your retirement savings (and mine, we’re all in this together) are hastening the downfall of the planet.

When we invest, we have no idea what activities our funds are supporting or what products are created. You might be supporting genetically modified foods, or nuclear power, or the military-industrial complex. You might not agree with these things so why oppose them by writing letters and marching when your capital is doing quite the opposite?

Even with ethical investment, you still prop up a system that exists to grow endlessly on a finite planet. This kind of thinking is madness and follows the logic of a cancer cell.

3) Why wait until you’re 65?

What kind of madness has gripped Canadians that we think we have to suffer now in our youth to profit later when we are racked with arthritis and suffer from high blood pressure (likely caused by our suffering in the first place)?

We can choose to live now. Just because the world tells you how to behave, doesn’t mean you have to listen. I’d much rather have adventures and freedom now than pretend I’ll enjoy traveling around with a diaper or a dialysis machine when I’m an old man (again if I last that long).

4) Cycles of Social Assistance

Even if the world doesn’t somehow collapse and all the mountains of evidence are wrong, I believe that life follows cyclical paths. We are currently living in a time of increasing income disparity between the rich and the poor. This is indisputable. This has happened before and will happen again (sadly). Most of us are barely getting by while others are just breaking in to that new ivory backscratcher.

Ultimately ordinary people are going to demand a stop to this selfish behaviour and their piece of the pie. This will mean the return of the welfare state with respect for the elderly, the poor and the disadvantaged. So by the time we get close to retirement age, the cycle will be complete and we’ll have a comfortable retirement all laid out for us.

I must stress that I have almost no faith in this final bit of advice from Mentat Financial Planning.

I’m sure dear reader, that at this point you’d like to remind me that we have to work to get food, shelter and all those shiny goods from China that make life worth living. You’d probably also want to say that if you want to raise a family you need a lot of money. I beg to differ; if you want only the basics then you’re set. Quell your desires and you can live quite frugally (a brilliant word by the way) and happily.

So what are you doing friend? Live now!

His Lonely Wooden Tower

It was tall. It stretched away to the sky in defiance of gravity and wind. Concrete, steel, glass. It was always there, our home amongst the clouds. It was invincible. It was all we knew.

I spent my whole life there. My parents brought me back from the concrete hospital into the cold, protective arms of that place. When I was younger, I rode the elevator in play with the other children or we swam in the underground pool, full of cleansing chlorine. We barely felt the sun, the balconies were off-limits and the outside was dangerous. It was full of predators for the young and foolish. Only occasionally did my parents permit it and with a strict chaperon. The whole of my world existed in that lonely tower. Friends, lessons, sports, music all took place on different floors. Yet the structure was always the same, reliable, impenetrable.

Food was magical and mysterious. It came from somewhere. We never really knew where, it was always just there. I gobbled it up quickly, eager to get back to a screen or a friend. I barely recognized the taste. Maybe there wasn't one. It was just energy to keep me going, keep me growing so I could take my place in this great tower we'd build. Food wasn't important to my parents, or so it seemed. The truth was they couldn't cook not that it mattered there. You could buy anything as long as you could afford it.

Real things didn't matter anymore. In that way it was more than a child's fantasy world. Goods, materials, resources we called them, just came in and our waste went out. It didn't matter where from, just that they were there. They were always there.

I grew up there. Learned that world and had in pounded into the inside of my skull. If you could somehow turn me inside out you would see the complex lines of code I wrote, the empty essays I produced, the disappointing pictures I drew. All there, drilled into the hard yet supple skull, like a concussion.

Then one day, we were forced to leave the place we had built.

It happened so fast, or at least it seemed to happen so fast. I was in my home, watching a screen, learning masked as entertainment. It was a show about birds. Birds sometime flew into tall buildings like my home. Scientists were working on a way to install a chip in each bird so that it could be warned that a building was coming up. It was sensational work. I often dreamed of helping animals in this way, animals that were outside the tower, not locked in cages within. Imagine how many birds I could save? What a career that would be.

Then all of a sudden, instantly, an alarm sounded within the walls. It was deafening so I put my hands to my ears in pain. Over the alarm I could hear the booming mechanical voice. "Warning, fire. Please calmly proceed to the safe room in your unit. Help is on the way".

My mother was home with me. She was in another room. She whisked into action on command. She swooped down and pushed me to the special room off her bedroom. The place that we would be safe, that no fire would reach.

There were supplies there. Enough for a few days. We sat and waited for orders. We didn't speak much. She handed me a granola bar and a bottle of water. We waited.

There was a small speaker in the room. Occasionally in crackled and my mother perked up, ready for her parental orders. Yet, no words came. We slept on the hard floor. We had neglected blankets in our rush. We assumed it would be a short stay before receiving the standard communique that all was well and back to normal. A mere blip. They often happened this way. Even this place had the occasional hiccup.

Several days past. I was eager to wander outside and sore from the floor; she didn't complain. Surely the fire had burned itself out, I pleaded with her. It's dangerous, was her standard reply. We have to wait.

The food and water were depleting. We didn't talk much. A terrible realization was dawning on both of us. Though my mother most of all. She had known only this world. This protection from fear, from doubt. Now doubts were creeping in.

One morning I woke up but she didn't. I don't know what happened to her. Maybe she realized that we would have to push open the solid, steel door and she was scared what was on the other side. I wept beside her holding her hand, a hand that had moulded me as much as this dark, tall place I called home. Parents are gods but even they have masters.

I stayed with her for most of that day. She became cool to the touch. But my eyes were always fixed on the door, the unknown. I knew I was alone. My father had likely joined her; she was always stronger. I pretended that they would be together.

I stood up. Walked to the door and put my hand on it. It was as cold as my mother's fading skin. A fire might rage outside, or nothing. Either way, no one was coming to help me, authority had failed. I was the only one who could save myself. It required courage. I stood there for quite some time, fearful. But really I only had one choice. I turned the handle and pushed with all my growing strength. This was my time and my challenge.

What I saw on the other side of that door was both wondrous and terrifying. And for once, I was alive.

I Am Compost

Yes, unbelievably humans are actually part of the natural world. We are not a special species and we do not have a special destiny at the end of history. Just in case you needed a reminder you might want to make one of these shirts.

In the end, my friend, you are worm food just like every other plant and animal that came before (well, before there were worms). And that's fine, it's the way the world works.

I just hope the worms can handle all the toxic chemicals in our systems.

One Child Policy

There's no other country like Canada. We consume more resources per capita than any other nation on earth (yes even the US). Yet we think it's enough to go to international conferences and pledge to do things that we have no intention of doing; greenhouse gas reductions, that would harm the sacred economy stupid and we're not doing that.

Let's get Canadians to take a lead and show the rest of the world where we need to go. Let's force our dear leaders to enact a one child policy for all Canadians. Sure there's a lot of room in Canada but given that we are such gluttons we really should set an example for the rest of the world. If we enacted a global one child policy we would get the earth's human population back down to around one billion by 2100.

Don't hold your breath. A one child policy would be the easy way to sustainability but humans clearly like to do things the hard and painful way.

Ethanol = Poverty

Leave it to the politicians to embrace the dream that we can grow our fuel.

This one is pretty simple really. If you grow fuel instead of food that means that somewhere, someone is going without food. Pretty soon they are starving.

Our ballooning population depends on massive, industrial agriculture. In a finite system, you can't feed all those people forever but humans never think about the future. And you especially can't feed them if you decide one day that you should fill up your gas tank with corn. Ethanol will prove to be one of the most tremendous crimes against the poor in history.

The age of the automobile is over. Period. Get over it or get blood all over your hands. Fuck ethanol!

Stop at Two

Concerned about overpopulation? Not ready for human extinction just yet? Well how about the message that couples should stop breeding after two little ones. According to the Optimum Population Trust, "stopping at two children is probably the most effective action people can take to halt climate change".

If you think about it, it makes sense. We are resource pigs. Our kids must, repeat must (under this economic system) consume more than their parents. Therefore we have to halt the number of grasping little hands out there; unless you're willing to raise them differently. Though that's kind of hard when mom and dad have been brainwashed by capitalism.

Vote for Human Extinction

There are far too many humans. Period. We are well beyond the earth's carrying capacity for such a capricious species. Though this is a drastic and absurdist solution to our problems, you have to ask for the world to get an inch. So have fun with it!

Self-Hating Human

Have you heard what they call a Jew who is critical of Israel? A self-hating Jew, of course. Apparently if you're Jewish and a critic of Israel you must hate yourself. In case you're keeping track, other non-Jewish critics are anti-Semitic. Legitimate criticism is a crime.

What if you are critical of human beings and their rampant destruction of the planet? It's only a matter of time before people like us are called self-hating humans. Evidence doesn't matter and you'd have to be blind not to see the level of destruction caused by industrial civilization. Let's claim the word before the banks and corporations destroying the planet use it against us.

Peak Oilers

Worried about the future of the refrigerated Stanley Cup Finals in June? Perhaps you're concerned that pond hockey will be a thing of the past thanks to our addiction to oil? Then this is the shirt for you.

Everyone in Green

Who's left in the US presidential race? Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama and John McCain. Have you figured out who's going to win? My money's on John McCain of course. And I made this prediction over a month ago and I do have a witness so there!

How's McCain going to do it? Everyone loves him in the Republican Party--except for those pesky evangelicals. One wonders why the hell they care about an election at all, isn't the rapture coming. Oh wait, it's been 2,000 years and it still hasn't happened. And the vast amount of people in the middle also love him. He's an old white man, enough said. Personally, I hope that the fact he's been tortured will help him to realize that it's a terrible and counterproductive practice; if only Bush and Cheney had similar experiences.

But most importantly, like everyone else, he's green. Which means of course that he cares about the planet. He's jumping on the bandwagon that the Governator started in California (just forget that he drives a hummer). McCain has read about climate change and he's serious about doing something.

Alas his plan likely follows the Bush model of more ethanol and weird contraptions like space mirrors. White elephants anyone? None of the candidates, including McCain, are going to even consider that the endless economic growth prescribed by capitalism might actually be the real cause of all the ecological misery afflicting the world today. We have to choose between capitalism and a habitable planet but it's a choice leaders can never make.

It's important that we continue to remind everyone about this fact and continue to reject the "shop to fight terrorism/climate change/recession" impulse of our dear leaders.