Report F5039450-K
Department of Defense

Today several enemy combatants at Camp Delta attempted to overthrow the base and eject US forces from Cuba. Ten men surprised camp personnel with improvised weapons. This report provides a strategic assessment of the day's events and the wider implications.

It was a tense situation for several minutes when it seemed the ten enemy combatants might have the upper hand. Colonel Michael Bumgarner, spoke of the first frightening minutes, "Frankly we were losing the fight at that point." There were fears that the 10 men might take over Camp Delta from US forces and free their fellow enemy combatants. Had that happened Camp Delta might have well changed names to Camp Jihad. This would be strategically unacceptable.

Given Cuba's proven links to terrorism, they might have found support in the island nation and with their combined terrorist might kept US forces from retaking the base. Things could have escalated to the point where the nuclear option might have been a real option. Like at Tora Bora, enemy combatants might have dug deep tunnels to take refuge in. Tunneling nuclear warheads would have been needed in this case. Unfortunately this was not to be.

This behaviour will be punished severely. Camp doctors recommend sleep deprivation and withdrawal of privileges to ensure a return to compliance. Detainees will no longer have access to the common space at Camp Delta nor their Korans. Their actions clearly demonstrate that they are dangerous individuals intent on killing Americans and challenging our way of life and freedom. Before today's disgraceful display, interrogators were beginning to believe their stories that they were merely farmers and day labourers arrested in the wrong place and at the wrong time. But constructing deadly weapons from everyday items like fans and light fixtures indicates that they must have spent time at Al Qaeda training camps. A broken fluorescent light could be as deadly as a dirty bomb in the wrong hands.

A new round of interrogations is planned to expose the locations of these insidious training camps and the training these men received. Some liberals question the benefit of six or seven year old intelligence but they are clearly mistaken. Clues may have been left behind at these camps that could lead us to high value targets. Thanks to the bravery of camp personnel, a potential major threat to our national security was avoided today. The troops at Camp Delta exemplify their camp's motto: Honour Bound to Defend Freedom.

Also during the day there were two suicide attempts by enemy combatants using prescription medicines. This was well below the official daily average of seven and should be seen as a successful day. Commendations are recommended for base personnel.