Continentalization

It was a sunny January morning. Most of the hundred or so in attendance were lightly dressed for the day's festivities. Downtown Calgary was positively balmy down by the river. Days like these were more common now though you could still get the occasional blizzard on the prairies. The wind barely bit this morning.

Despite the pleasant environment, the celebration wasn't much of a draw, explaining the low numbers. And this was Alberta!

In Quebec, under American occupation, there would be no celebrations, no fireworks explosions unless they came from secretive partisans, the heirs of the FLQ. If Quebeckers had tolerated Canada in the years before Continentalization, they positively hated any talk of union with the United States. Their rebellion was expected and had they been Cape Breton they might have been tolerated and given a measure of self-rule. But all that precious hydro power couldn't be sacrificed to a bunch of liberal, godless francophones. Poutine might as well be the new freedom fries.

The crowd began buzzing. It was hard to hide the smiley plants in the crowd and the stocky undercover RCMP officers. Had it always been this way; was enthusiasm ever true? Governor Steve Harper was approaching the stage. His soft features and pudgy belly unmistakable to the people formerly known as Canadians: the man who did the unthinkable; the man who shattered Confederation and single-handedly rebuilt it as Continentalization.

He shook a few hands as he passed through the crowd, his goal ever in sight. There was no introduction. He needed none.

"A year ago, our new special relationship was born. Has it been a year already?" Standard applause. "And not on any day mind you on Martin Luther King Jr. Day 2008. What better birthday for our new beginning? One people at last, as it was meant to be."

He waited for the applause and cheers to subside. He frowned subtly. T they were trying to hard; it wasn't genuine. The American networks needed a perfect show. No doubts, no questions.

He continued, "Dr. King was a man of vision, a man of peace and a man of justice. His leadership tore down artificial walls and physical barriers. He led, while people both black and white debated his new creation. On both sides, some rejected it. In time they learned the error of their ways and accepted this new world. Our new union will have the same growing pains but we're headed for the promised land." More cheers.

"Canadians told me, in my previous role, that they didn't want passports to cross the border. To be treated like foreigners, like Arabs. This was a hassle they couldn't bear. The straw that broke the camel's back. Well our government heard you loud and clear. The choice was simple and it was the right choice. What Brian Mulroney started, we finished."

Like usual, Harper kept it short. Efficiency was something he learned long ago from his friends at the Fraser Institute.

But for his big finish he drew on four words that no Canadian Prime Minister in recent memory would ever have dared utter. He liked it though and it fit perfectly his new role as governor of one of the most important of the 60 North American states. This would be its first appearance and if Steve had his way it wouldn't be its last.

"May God bless--."

The cream pie struck its target. Worse than any bullet. The speech was over.